Killing réalité!

Anger and aggression kills me,
And takes me away from me,
So hard hitting are the facts,
Leave me in torment and angst.

Why do they ask me to speak?
When they don’t want to know the réalité!
Why it is counted as a sin when I do speak?
For they not know what I have been…

I wonder why people have double standards,
Want something for themselves and something else for others!
Oh! They change so suddenly,
And forget the promises made so easily.

It keeps killing me,
With so many thoughts floating inside me,
Pain, tears and left in self-pity,
Is this where I wanted to be?

They remind me of the past days
Do they even remember any of the promises made?
Bravo to them, they forget so easily,
And then come and ask what is wrong with me.

Alas! Those promises so fulfilling and content, of change and future!
But do the same when put in the situation again,
Here I was fighting with the whole world for them,
And so easily they give you up for the world!

What if...

What if there is no one and you are left on your own?
No lights, no one to guide, and no one there for you.

What if you look back and still you can’t find them?
Distances create their way, with your heart bleeding and you don’t know what had happened.

What if that someone is there but seems away?
You want to reach them, touch them, and tell them how much you care.

What if that someone listens but don’t understand, hears but acts deaf?
With you left in disbelief, wondering how could that ever happen to me.

What if you still wish to be with them?
Leading the life listening to what they say and just stay.

What if I tell you this the reality of life?
No matter what happens you have to keep trying…

Silence speaks...

Where there is darkness all around and no one to speak,
I can hear my heart ticking feeling very week.

So much life was there during the day,
Why does everything appears dead to me?

Is it just me or my imagination speaks,
Feeling so alone and as I look back,

I can’t really find any friends that I once had,
Was it me or did they leave by themselves,

So hard to guess, and the regret is still there,
Would life be any different if I would still have them?

When there is darkness all around and I can’t sleep,
I ask myself what will happen when I don’t live?

My mind just wanders around,
Thinking about things that I don’t want!

The bed feels like a grave to me,
And the silence comes and kills me.

How different would that world be?
Will I see the ones that I wanted to meet?

Why are we so afraid of the life after death?
For God is forgiving and he might forgive.

When there is darkness all around and I hear a voice,
Making me feel I am still alive.

Innocent eyes.

I am just a little girl, lying on a hospital bed,
Smile on my face with a teddy in hand,
Don’t know yet that I have lost my legs!
I was just having fun with my sisters the other day.

And then came they, with a big tank.
What was my fault? I was just playing out door!
Why do you come now? Where were you when the massacre was going on?
We shouted and cried, but no one seemed to have cared,

Everyone, I was playing with seemed to be playing a new game,
Hospitalized somewhere, don’t know where my father stand,
I’ve lost two sisters still have a smile on my face.
Look at my father standing tall, still wants to live where he lost all!

I know nothing for I am so young,
But don’t know what will happen when I discover I won’t be able to run!
Nightmares will haunt me my sisters will call me,
Who will now play with me, for they are long gone!

Are these just numbers?

I have just seen a news on the BBC and i just can't write anything at this point. I want all of you to look at this video and ask yourself, how easily we see the figures of the number of people killed everyday, and the number of people injured. Ever thought what lies behind those figures and numbers? For they are not just numbers of people killed, they are families, their relavatives left in despair and the life of those injured people after that incident.

How easily, Israel and Hammas fought a war before the finish of the Bush administration. How easily, they both called ceasefire, just at the time Obama walked in the Office. How easily they just bombarded the entire area leaving, so many people dead, so many injured and so many homeless... Just think for a minute.. are these just numbers?

Check out this link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7843430.stm

Fragile Dreams...

In the midst of the darkest dreams,
That sometimes, still haunts me,
I get up in the middle of the night and pray,
Oh God, take the evil away.

Aggression, depression and anger, still pave their way,
But somewhere inside us, a voice comes and says,
No matter where we may stay,
This will go away.

Hunger, yearning and poverty, ever heard a poor man’s dream?
So simple and fragile it seems,
Sometimes, I wonder, where their life has been,
But wisdom and hope I can still see.

Amusing, entertaining and diverting, are the kids you see,
Playing around the corner of the street,
So full of life they seem,
Ever thought, what lies behind them is reality!

Aspiration, ambition and longing do they even know their meanings?
For they are the words, not meant for them,
Still how astonishing to see, how they juggle each day,
Hope comes and sinks again and again.

For dream, imagination and reverie, needs no boundaries,
Impossible is nothing, until you believe,
And we all know, that they say,
When there is will, there is a way.

Once slaves, now Leaders!

Today was a very exciting day. Today Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of The United States of America and the first Black president. I have been a big fan of Obama, not because he is a black, or because of his astonishing personality and persona, but because, a few months back, I read his book ‘Dreams from my Father’. It is such an excellent book, it is written not by the President of the United States today, not from a senator but from a young 33-year-old man. Fresh out of University. I like this book, because it is free from any manipulation or as some might say, propaganda for fame. It is a very honest book and it is because of this book, that I like and adore him so much.

I knew very less about him before, but now, it really seems to me as if his life is like a movie. After reading the book, when I started following on his speeches, his career, it really appears so surprising and exciting. I picked up another book of his as well, ‘The audacity of hope’. I left it in the middle because of the lapse of time. But he is a person, who believes in simple values. Education, health, some of the very basic things in life, not the fancy ones. His core values are for an ordinary person are to be happy and content. In his book, 'Dreams from my father' he writes about how his grandfather used to feel, doing the same job over and over again and for years. He explains about the dejection he faced at work. And in the 'Audicity of Hope' he again mentions that, that simple Americans or rather people around the world, face such issues in their day to day life. These are the issues and his idea about such issues that makes him so special. If you look at the basics of life and try to sort them out first, then many complicated things will get sorted out. He is the person straight out of the streets of Hawaii. In his books, he also mentions about his juggle for being a Black man. I can imagine it must be difficult, being a black but living in whites. It is just amazing to see, how he is full of so much hope, all of his speeches so full of wisdom. The most exciting speech of his was the one, when he won the Presidency. It was amazing to see a person like Jesse Jackson, in tears. Yes M.L King’s vision has come true and the slaves are now the leaders. I bet it is not just the speeches that are so power housed, but also his definite charm and personality and those witty eyes. I think he will make a good president, because he has been through a lot in life. He has been raised in a middle class family. Travelled to Kenya and experienced poverty in his relatives life and been closer to life than I guess any of the previous Presidents. I think his approach towards, the Muslims will be different, not because half of his family is Muslim or he has a Muslim name, not because his father was a Muslim but because, I see him as being sensible enough to make a balance between good and bad. And to lead in an affirmative manner that is positive for all. He has worked with charitable organizations, lived a middle class life, and I guess that is what is so extra ordinary about this man.

Also in policies, he has defined and promised a different approach for the Middle East, Iran, and Afghanistan. I really am looking forward to seeing a different world from now on. Not because he has promised for that, but because his policies will be such a break through from that of the Bush. Also, recession entered the U.S.A during the Bush's era, the country is still into recession and during the Obama's tenure, it will pull out from the recession. This will make him more popular, as a country cannot remain in the recession for long. Apart from this, Democrat’s way of leading is much different than that of the Republicans. His way of leadership will be more similar to that of the Clinton’s and I guess that is what the world needs now. But I am sure, that there will be some forces that will try and break that harmony and peace and cause disturbance, especially during the first few months. But I am sure; he will come out of it.

Continious learning approach.

I was having a discussion this morning on Gtalk with Baba (my father-in-law). He told me he was reading about ‘Kaizen’. I told him, I had studied about ‘Kaizen’ during my Masters here. ‘Kaizen’ is the Japanese style of management; it very much became a part in the Japanese management system after the Second World War. At the very jist of it, it means ‘continuous improvement’.

He asked me, if Kaizen was being implemented here. Well not so much I replied. Not in a way that they say we are going to apply ‘Kaizen’ but I guess it is inherent here. I can’t generalize, but people do believe in ‘team work’ and are open for suggestions.

In one of my conversations with my colleague at Marks and Spencer, she asked me, how different is the work approach in Pakistan from here? I told her well, there are many a things that are different. Just to name a few, for example, I call you by your first name. If I was in Pakistan, I would have added a Baji (elder sister) with your name. I recalled an earlier incident, that it was difficult for me to call my Manager, who was around 55 or 60 by his first name. I said to her if I was in Pakistan I might have been calling him ‘Sir’.

I said: “We have this habit to link and to form a connection with our work colleagues. It has both positive and negative points. Sometimes, you can’t tell them, that they are not performing well on their task. In such a system, there are also occasions where, ‘seniority’ is considered more than ‘capability’”

Another thing that I have noticed is that back home, if you do something wrong you will be told directly ‘you shouldn’t do it this way’ or ‘this is wrong! It shouldn’t be done this way and this is the way to do it”. Whereas, here if you (my colleague) were to tell me something which I was doing wrong, you would say ‘well I always like to do it this way’ or if I would have asked for help, you would always say ‘I would prefer doing it this way’. I really appreciate this approach. In a way, you are not undermining the person’s capability to do the task, not telling the person directly they are doing something wrong and only ‘you’ know the correct way of doing it. But this manner emphasizes that there might be a better way to do the task, which they might not know. So, rather than dejecting their approach towards work, you tell them, the way you prefer to do it. To adopt or not to adopt thus lies with the person.

You might have noticed, that I am always drawing comparisons between Pakistan and the U.K. Rather I guess the management style is the different not just between Pakistan and the U.K but between east and the west or I guess across countries, even between firms. There might be similarities as well some of the Chinese firms, might work like the Pakistani ones and the American firms might follow the U.K style or vice versa.

But I do agree with one thing, that a continuous learning approach is a must. The day we say, 'we know the best' that's a dead end. Management style should always be flexible, open for suggestions and a two-way communication system is a key for a firm to progress. Also if we would all, think about improving ourselves and stop pointing out faults in others, and have competitions with ourselves, then we as individuals will progress towards success and then our firm will be successful, because of our collective efforts.

Thank you.

Recently as of all you might have seen, I have become really obsessed with writing Poetry. It is because I have never even tried to write Poetry except just once and that too was published in 'the young world' but they never came naturally to me. All of a sudden I feel as if I have rediscovered myself. I am really loving it. I am truly enjoying this phase and am really very excited. I am truly Thankful to Allah for providing me with such an ability that I was for long, unfamiliar with.

I really hope to improve my skills and to express my feelings more deeply. I wish someday, my pieces can create a positive impact in the world.

And last but not the least, I would really like to Thank all of my readers, for liking all my articles and poems and for all their support and appreciation. I hope I continue to write this way and improve more.

Thanks
xx
Nousheen.

Special sister....

Sitting in a corner by your brother,
I knew at once who you were,
Those shiny curly hair and big black eyes,
And then you were always by my side.

I walked in your home, and you told me then,
You always wanted a sister and you have got one now,
Can’t explain what I felt then,
As if I have found the missing one.

Little did I know that I was going to,
Be blessed with one more sister besides my two,
You always looked up to me,
Always battled with your brother for me.

You hugged me and cuddled me, always stood besides me,
And you always said to me, you are the most precious for me,
I still remember you cried the day we left home,
You said how you always wanted me to stay there with you.

I remember the day I walked from hospital to home,
I was so depressed, never felt that alone
And there you were, talking with me all night long
How easily I forgot the time was gone.

So excited I was to see you,
When you were sleeping upstairs in your room,
I shook you up and said to you ‘look honey we are back home’
And you seem so puzzled to me as if you were still seeing a dream.

I want you to know what you mean to me
There may be times when you might be mad at me
But I know you will always come back to me
For you are the most special sister for me.

You remember....

You remember when I was little you took me in your arms,
Making me feel that I was still strong,
Small steps that I was taking, at the first day of school when you walked with me in,
You let go of me, smiled and waved, for you knew I will be ok,
But I kept looking making sure u were still there.

You remember when I was at school,
Everyday you taught me, how to make a nine from a six,
Never did you say to me, how much do i have to teach more! for you always encouraged me, for whatever I scored,
You showed me you were the best from everyone that I had known,
Since I was little I had known, who I wanted to be like when I was all grown.

You remember when I got hurt, and got a bum on my head,
I showed it to everyone, but no one seemed to have cared,
And then you came home, and said ‘O my darling daughter how did u get that?’
You caressed me and loved me, and that day I knew,
So lucky I was to have you.

You remember, when I told you that I wanted to work with you,
No you said, don’t come behind me,
If you want to become something stand on your feet,
So mad I became that day when you said that to me,
As it was always my dream to be just like you had been.

You remember when I asked you what did you want me to be?
No expectations you showed to me,
Just looked around and said to me,
How you had always wanted to study,
That day I thought, I would fulfil all your dreams.

You remember when you came in the graduation for me,
Can’t forget the sparkling eyes of yours that I had seen,
And as I walked down the aisle for the degree,
Taking small steps, I still turned back, with you looking at me,
I knew that day what you had expected of me.

You remember that you never said to me,
But I knew always what you wanted from me,
And that day it became clear to me,
Of why you had said 'I don’t want you to follow me',
You wanted me to be independent and now I realize what you had meant on that eve.

You remember on my wedding day,
When you hugged and kissed on my forehead,
And you whispered in his ears, ‘Always take care of my daughter my dear’,
Tears dipping down my eyes, for I realized only there,
How much I will miss you from that day.

But you remember the day when I was born,
The nurse came and told you, 'you have a baby girl',
The tears of joy I can still see,
I will never remove your name from me,
And I will always love you unconditionally.

A few feet under....

So happy I am now, with glory all around,
Hope for the future, desire for money and to be where I always wanted to be,
But Oh! What just happened? Did I just have an accident!
And as I lay here on the stretcher I think, this is nothing I will be up and running.

But now what I see, two death angels on top of me,
No! No! I cry, this is not where I should be,
Oh please look away, tell me you are not here for me!
I wish I could scream, go away it’s not yet time for me!

With my eyes falling numb, my hands turning cold,
And Oh the pain is unbearable I can explain no more,
My feet are cramping with my body just tarnishing,
And so helpless I feel, with no energy to move my hands or feet.

And then I hear people scream and cry,
Oh what just happened? Did I just die?
Please don’t close my eyes,
I need to say good-bye!

Here I am now, at the home that I grew in,
Two ladies bathing me but I am not familiar with,
All wrapped up I am now in a white sheet,
And now they are carrying me somewhere I never thought I would be.

Where I enter now, I should have been before,
People offering prayer now for me,
I think this will just spare me,
I wish I had spent some time here when my parents advised me.

I am now lifted up in the air, with four men, one on each side,
Please walk slow I don’t want to be there,
Oh what is this place, so dusty and sandy,
And few men digging a hole, Is this where they will put me?

I lay here a few feet under the world completely shut for me,
They did not even think about keeping me until wee,
I bang on the sides, and scream but no one to listen me,
It was never the case before and I was so full of energy.

My grave starts to shrink now, with ribs twisting apart,
Oh it’s hurting I shout and cry aloud,
Take me out from here I want to breathe,
Oh mom you were always helping me, look what just happened to me.

I thought the world would end without me,
But oh what do I see,
People did not even cry a few days for me!
I wish I had known before so that hell was not for me.

Death just seconds away....

I fell on the ground with blood tipping down,
I knew nothing of what had happened,
The time was just floating,
So weak I felt as if I was nearly dead.

I saw strange men come in,
My mind was just too shaken,
And then I was with all the plug-ins,
Lying helplessly not knowing what had happened.

They all looked weird to me speaking a language I hath not heard,
With my eyes scrolling about, I saw a man just around,
Yes he was the man I had known,
He seemed worried to me, with his eyes still following me.

I had no hope, O God! What will happen if I live no more?
I looked here and there in a hope that I could move,
For this might be my chance for that man to say,
I have always loved you for you are my soul mate!

My heart racing now, with tension building all around,
I said O God! if this is it grant my parents patience, as they need it,
Memories now floating my mind, had I done any good in so many years time?
I turned up to God and said, ‘O God! please forgive my sins'.

What if this is it? Has my life even started?
For I hath not known, life is short and may last no more,
And so helpless I felt that day…
With death just seconds away……

The world around me....

As I sit here, the world around me rocks,
with people laughing about, so full of joy,
with kids free of worries in a environment so green,
with students in a hope for a future, already living their dreams.

As I sit here the world around me excels,
with technology rising every day,
with progression everywhere,
with developments hard to conceive.

As I sit here I think about the world far far away from me,
with people dying of hunger,
with brothers killing one another,
kids with a broken arm or leg, left in despair.

As I sit here I think about the world that still rocks
with the sound of barrages,
with the lightning of the blasts,
with the smell of gunpowder,

And as I sit here I think about the world so gloomy,
with still expectations exceeding their grief,
with desperation making them hearty,
with still hope, belief, optimism and dream...

Alien in my own land....

A few days back, during my training, I was trying to divert my attention from the cross trainer. I rolled in my earplugs and focused on one of the four Plasma's that hung in a row just a few yards away from me, each playing a different channel. I just picked a channel and focused on the plasma that hung right across my cross trainer. I did not want to, but just in a hope that my remaining 15 minutes would pass quickly I started to watch SKY NEWS. And there it was! the news I have been ignoring for sometime now. The news about Gaza. I have been trying hard to stay away from this news as it just breaks my heart over and over again when I see the faces of those poor children and women being killed in a deadly battle with the enemy attacking from everywhere. It makes me angry and frustrated that I can't do anything about it rather than just signing a few useless petitions and updating my status reporting how many people have died so far in Palestine on Facebook.

So as I focused my attention to the channel, the newsreader began to interview an Israeli spokesman in Israel. She seemed a bit furious at him. The anger was understandable. "Despite all the efforts to call for a cease-fire, we see Israel still shelling bombs in Gaza what you have to say about it?" " well we are just shelling the bombs because Hammas is throwing the missiles at us from Gaza" " but do you know you are killing civilians, there are children and women who are being killed everyday because of those attacks", "You don't know! Hammas is using these civilians and these kids as a 'human shield', we get missile fired at us from within those places", "so you do know that Hammas is using those civilians as human shield, at least you can back out because they are a 'human shield' and they are meant to be protected" ... but needless to say there was the same old answer that one could expect, like two kids fighting over the same piece of toy and the first one would just make it up and say "unless Hammas won't stop, we will continue to do what we are". One of the other Israeli official said "Hammas instead of building schools and providing with education has made a infrastructure of homes and mosques and we will remove all that". The next she interviewed was a Palestinian writer in Gaza (i can't recall the name). She asked him about why Hammas was using civilians as a human shield, to which he replied "I don't think we are being used as a human shield rather we are the ordinary civilians living in Gaza. The Israeli's are killing innocent civilians" "So you are saying that their are no missiles being fired from the residential areas of Gaza?", " Well no, in fact they have already killed so many of us, we are just civilians, they have killed so many of our children. We really want all this to end. We are desperate for a cease-fire and as we speak now, you can still hear the bombings in the back.. taking place right now!".

After this course, I called one of my very good friends 'Amani'. She is a Palestinian and now lives in Grimbsy. We studied Msc Management together in the University of Sheffield. When I first met her, it was the first day at the Univ. I was actually surprised to see someone from Palestine. I was really excited to know about her life there. So one day I asked her, "how is it living in Palestine?" She said "well where i live now is a part of Israel, so we don't see many problems there. It is completely developed, like any western country. But you can see the difference, from when you enter a Palestinian area". She told me about the difficulties she had to face going to the Jerusalem University with all eyes following a Muslim lady in a Hijab. I asked her "Do you want to go back?" "Yes, off course I do! Like every Palestinian I want to live in my country and that is the reason why, we Palestinians don't want to leave Palestine. We believe that we will win it back, InshAllah".

So as we spoke over the phone, I told her how sorry i felt for the people of Gaza. I asked her about what she thought about Hammas. I said to her, don't you think Hammas could be playing a game with the civilians in Gaza? She said, "I really don't know, but we just think we have nothing to loose now, and after all these years, we still might have a chance to raise our voices, in a hope that we might get heard and tell the world of what we are going through"!!

I began to wonder, we all know, what Palestine is. How it was taken from those people, how the massacre continues. We all know the facts and the figures of how many people are killed everyday and and are being killed uptill now! We all know everything... and yet.. what can we really do about it?... the answer is simple.. 'Nothing'.

And her voice just echo's in my mind...... "but it is difficult to live in a land which is yours but seems alien"

My habit to rush!

One of things that i really don't like about myself is my habit to rush! Everytime i am writing a post i am just so excited to click on the 'publish post' button that i don't take time to proof check it until it is published. And after that, everytime i read my post i pick out mistakes of my spellings, missing comma's and fullstops! This is the habit which also made me loose a collection of tiny marks during my schooling.

So please people bare with me and spare my mistakes. I do appreciate your patience and your time to read my blogs.

Thanks
xx Nousheen.

Courtesy.

While i was waiting to get in the lift to the car park of my gym, two kids just immediately rushed in before me. Their mom stepped in and said "you should be courteous to the lady standing here". That was OK with me. I did not really mind those young kids rushing in before i did. But this thing was important to be taught to them as i was the elder one and waiting for the lift before they had arrived. These things are so basic that needs to be taught right from the very beginning.

One of the things i have learned living in the U.K is 'courtesy'. How small things such as 'Thank you', 'please' and 'sorry' could mean so much. How such simple things such as giving people way or keeping the door open for the next person to come in could count so much and how a little 'thank you' could have such a big meaning.

This thing is so much embedded in the system here that no one says 'yes' if you ask a simple question such as 'would you like a coffee'? they always say 'yes please' and a 'thank you' is a must after that. The importance of such little things is hard to realize. Once i bumped into someone by mistake. The mistake was mine but the other person immediately said 'sorry' to me. I wondered why. It is because it doesn't matter whose fault it is, if you take the initiative and say sorry it wouldn't harm anyone.

The same way is in the courtesy of a smile. You don't really have to know the person to smile at them. When i started working in Marks and Spencer soon after i came here, my Manager would always ask me every time he crossed me 'you alright' with a blink and a smile. I wondered why does he keep doing that? But it was just the courtesy of him being so nice and polite that he wanted to make sure that i was fine and comfortable in the new enviornment that i was working in.

Such are the things here and if i could just take a little of these and teach it to our people. Life would be so different. Not again will i see, traffic jams, or listen to the horns. Not again will i see people being depressed about their bosses being rude to them and not praising their work, not again will i see people just rushing and thinking about just themselves and wanting to be the first one to reach their destination the quickest, rather paving ways for others. And this is how i would like our people to be.... more courteous.

My blog life.

It hasnt been long since i have started to write the blogs. But since that time i am just having this feeling that a voice in the back of my head is constantly following me. Everything i do i have started to think more and evalaute it deeply. I have started to realize that everything carries a meaning or a message behind it and i am in constant search to find out the message or the moral. It is as if i am reading a story about myself and the story teller is constantly trying to read out what i am doing at that point of time. I know it sounds complicated but this is how it has become now with me.

I feel much empowered. As if my mind has suddenly opened up and is now seing a different aspect about things altogether. I have started to realize that i have a voice and my words carry meanings. And even though it is just a blog and i only express my view points i feel they are very important not that i did not felt the same way before about my opinions but it is just different now. More than i can explain in words.

I have started to enjoy this part of my life.. as a blogger!

If we won't then who will??

I just came back after watching two movies at Cineworld. The first one was 'Role Models' and the second one 'Slumdog Millionare. Both movies poles apart. One a cheeky flick and the other one realistic and it has gained a special place in my collection of favorite movies.

Slumdog Millionaire story is about how a slum boy wins 20 million rupees and how he knew all the answers. But behind this story line are the incidents he goes through as a child. And that is what makes the movie so special. Not just because they are incidents that have occurred with them but because they are incidents that I think goes with most of the children that live in the slums and that are currently living on the streets.

This movie just bought tears to my eyes on several occasions. I don’t know the reason why my eyes felt so heavy with tears when I am used to seeing such children on the streets in my day-to-day life in Pakistan and yet ignore them easily. I couldn’t find an answer to why my heart was so broken after seeing those poor kids loose their mother in front of their eyes when I know there are millions of orphans on the streets on Pakistan left on the mercy of no one. And I couldn’t figure out a reason why my eyes went blur when I saw their 'slum' being thrashed and on fire but I easily flipped the channel the day before yesterday when a news came that a Slum in Karachi had caught fire killing 40 people with half of them children and their bodies were left on the hospital floor.

I don’t know why we react this way to movies but we just easily neglect these issues in our real life. How simple it is for us to just turn our backs or close our car window and distance ourselves from them. How easily we look away and try not to think and ignore as much as we can to the kid that bangs on our car or ignore a street kid who tries who run after us in a hope that we may change our mind, look at his dirty clothes and dark eyes and at least buy a flower worth just 3 pence. How dearly we just want our kids to look the best and feed them the best of food and just easily ignore and make small poor kids do our household chores. How easy it is for us to just avoid those kids on the streets with a broken limb, arm or been blinded but when I saw such a scene in the movie today, I just couldn’t look at the screen any more...!

I guess these are the realities of our lives that we want to run away from. This is a chapter of our society that we want to close and prefer not to look at. We do look at them and may be have pity on their poor conditions for a micro milli second of our precious time, but deep inside, our souls have died, our hearts just care about our loved ones and our mind is just so occupied that these small issues are not 'the' issues for us. And even if we want do something for them then we start and think so logically as to well how many children can we save? We can't save everyone. We can't really turn every slum into a small house of bricks. We can't provide all of these kids a proper meal of 2 times a day. We can't provide all of them with education. We can't safeguard their lives. We can't really do that can we?

Well if we won't then who will?...........

The complexity of Gold prices.

I checked the gold rates again this morning..! I think it is more out of habit which was instilled in me during my undergraduate years when i used to sit with my dad infront of the tele watching 'bloomberg' or the 'Business plus'

I have been following the gold prices well if not quite closely then close enough to potray an overview of the last few years. What really drives the Gold prices? According to Donald Doyle Jr of Blanchard, there are five key factors, supply and demand, weakness in the dollar, the balance between gold and oil prices, institutional buying and uncertainty over the economy.

I would just like to present an overview of the last 10 years data. Gold prices were fairly stable around $300 between Jan 1999 to the end of Jan 2002. Then between Jan 2003 to Jan 2004 the rates fluctuated $300 and $400 and by the end Jan 2006 the rates reached around $600. From the end of Jan 2006 to the begining of 2007 there was a fluctuation of a $100 in the gold prices. From July 2007 their was a steep climb in the gold prices they increased from $700 to $900 by the end of Jan 2008. On March 13th 2008 Gold touched $1000. At this occassion there were even talks that Gold would soon cross $2000.

Supply and demand according to 'UBS metal strategist Robin Bhar' was no longer the factor and one of the reasons was said to be that the Dollar was a 12 year low at that point compared to the yen with other reasons also including the Global financial crises. At this point, the investors felt safer to put their money in a commodity such as Gold. But soon after that that was a steep fall and Gold was back again to $900. Between July 2008 to January 2009 alone the gold prices pluged from over $950 to $850.

But the most important part of the story is not just the variation between the duration of July 2008 and January 2009 but the amout of variation each day and during each month. From mid July 2008 to mid august 2008 alone the gold fell over $125 and between end of august to the end of september Gold climbed around $150. And most astonishingly from within a week from 30th September'08 to 6th of Nov'08 gold pluged around $175.

The interesting thing to note here is that gold with such variations have increased the chances of being risky as a short term investment. Where on one side within a month it could make you earn as much as $150 an ounce it can also make you loose the same amount in a matter of just a week.

I guess there are more than just the five factors as explained by Donald Doyle. Gold prices are not as easy to determine and predict as they sound to be. They are complex. For instance, if we say that there needs to be a balance between the oil and the Gold prices. Right now there isnt any. From my early days, when i started to read articles related about Gold. The researchers presented a simple formula to predict Gold prices. Gold prices being directly propotional to crude oil and inversely propotional to the Dollar.

During the past few months, it has been witnessed that the crude oil prices are at an all time low where as the gold prices are around $800-$850. Whereas, the dollar is not in an entirely bad condition and is seen strenghtening as well.

Economic conditions are one of the factors behind such an investment. Investors feel that their money would be safe with a commodity rather than a foreign currency as their might be risks with the economic and financial conditions of that country. The five factors do play their roles but at.

I guess one of the major reason behind the fluctuation is the speculation in the market and it does not seems like a fair game any more. Economic conditions, recessions were faced earlier as well. But variations like these were hardly seen before. If we look at the date, then the Gold price between $700 to $800 looks a fair trend. However, reaching $900 or above is a level that is just a hype.

Gold is still an investable commodity. In my opinion it is one of the safest long-term investment. But there are many big buyers in the market and the demand and the supply now goes not only to the big buyers but also to the countries. And when the countries become the buyers or seller (to stablize their currencies) then the market can reverse any time.

So Kasab is finally a Pakistani!

So Kasab is finally a Pakistani!

Since 26/11 India has been blaming Pakistan for the attack. Even before any evidences were released India knew who to blame. Fair enough! But when there are terror attacks in Pakistan who do we blame...! the answer is straight forward our fellow Pakistani's, ethnic groups, political party members, general public and so on..! There arent any members other than 'us' involved in the whole process of the blame game.

As i was sitting and watching the whole coverage on BBC for the two or three days after the attack not once did i hear or see any internal voilence in India. Infact i saw people condenming such an attack, and not once did any one of them even said it could be their own people. I started to wonder what had happened if such an attack would have been in Pakistan? imagine for a while.. an attack where 150 people are killed and then 100 people are killed on top of it with more then 20 cars being set on fire by the 'locals' of Pakistan in protests!! I guess a day or two later i heard from someone there was voilence in Karachi and what for? Well i can't still get my head around with the reason but it was between the ethnic groups. Many a cars were set on fire, 28 people were killed with 150 people injured and then i heard people were scared to sit in the buses and use public transport of the fear that 'some' men would try to put glue in their eyes and cut their ears. But the question is what did we do for dat? Nothing. What did we do for the Islamabad attack? or for the Hyderi Masjid attack? or for the Benazir's assasination... the answer remains the same.

A week or two later, Geo which i think is one of the most manipulative media's Pakistan is blessed with, out of a blue just aired a video sowing their visit to Faridkot with some villagers speaking out that they had actually seen Kasab sometime back and that he wanted to go for jihad. It just boiled my blood. I was upset i wanted to scream! How can a media do that to their country? If geo was so sure that it was Faridkot and they were the people why did they not consult with the government or the authorities. Or ok i understand they wanted to utter the truth if it was the 'truth' but then, does truth comes out risking your national integrity? At a time when there are talks of Pakistan being under attack, can't the media get responsible enough and either act positive for the sake and benefit of the poor Pakistani's or atleast stay neutral and wait until 'officialy' such a remark is released rather than just seeking their TRP's and computing gains their channel will get if they air such a news.

The whole world's media was showing the dual side of Pakistan. Where on one side the Officials claiming Kasab is not a Pakistan and Geo, a popular Pakistani news channel claiming he actually is one.

After a few days i saw it on facebook a picture of the people of Faridkot protesting against GEO that the clipping showed on GEO was not actually Faridkot.

Yesterday i saw a headline on CNN IBN, Pakistan's divided answers! They showed on one sphere, Officials claiming he was not a Pakistani and giving remarks such as 'how can he be a Pakistani when he speaks hindi' and then another Official 'Pakistan's National security advisor' Mr durrani claiming that he was a Pakistani! The next day Geo shows, Mr Durrani has been sacked by the Prime Minister for uttering such remarks while on the other hand Pakistan finally accepting that Kasab is a Pakistani.

I have just one question to ask... what does that represent us as? That we are not together, not on the fronts when it comes to terrorism, not when it comes when we become victims, not when we are on the road and want our car to be the first one to reach its destination the quickest, not when we want our country to develop, and not on the fact that we should atleast call a meeting and decide what to say to the international media and on how to settle issues with our own media!

Today finally the Pakistan's officials accepted after much a hype and drama that Kasab was a Pakistani. Along with GEO very haughtily claiming that they were indeed the first one to find out about the truth about Kasab, i just began to wonder if all of us Pakistani's have this inherited quality that 'we are right and you are wrong' and 'that we know better than you do?' .....is it just about that. And finally one other inherit quality that we have, which reflects in the statement made by a Pakistani official earlier 'Even if he is a Pakistani, it would'nt effect Pakistan' ... and guess what??!!! He is now.. Finally!

The difference in the education system

So what is the idea of writing a group report/project in a Pakistani education system? Well to start with, you take the topic home that your teacher has assigned to you and leave it until the very last or the second last day. Log-on the internet and surf the web. Then just copy and paste various paragraphs and merge them into one piece that is '' your collective effort'' well of 'compiling' them together. And Ah what about referencing?? Now what is that? isnt that my own work! or ok i can include a reference or two, or can make it on my own, can't i?!

During my undergraduate years the idea of referencing did not even come into my frame of mind. The idea of refernence was: well you copy and paste from numerous resource from the web and books and then at the end of the project/or assignment simply mention one or two major sources of the work. It seemed pretty simple. Not a big deal. Mostly the essays, reports or projects were generated from my/or from a collective effort of me and my group mates frames of minds. We just copied and pasted almost everything and by the end of the group project or report we had pretty much ''created'' our piece of work.

When i came to U.K for my education, we were handed over a list of topics that would be covered for the semester. And underneath each topic there were list of around 15 journal articles and 5 to 6 books that were required for further studies. I was then not entirely fimiliar to the culture of reading that much. It then did not seemed like the teacher/instructor was really serious about us actually reading that many things. But when i was given a book of the 'Harvard referencing system' along with my essay topic that i had to do, it pretty much became clear that were taking it pretty seriously.

So well I, was not fimilar with this idea of referencing the 'harvard referencing way'. After my teacher David collings who taught us Work and employement module was finished with one of his lectures. He handed over an essay for us to write and the further reading required for that topic. I went home that day slightly confused. Checked out the links of the journal articles and they pretty much seemed like a bunch of quotations and notes taken from other journal articles and researches and then the author building on his own piece of work. I was completely unfimiliar with this writing style. The next time we had a lecture with David i went to him and i asked him. 'Can your please explain me about the writing style of an essay'? And he said 'well you have to read all the journal articles and discuss what they are discussing their way of researches, their pros and corns. One of the ways to get around with it can be that you read the positive researches around this topic and negative researches around the topic and then well say that these researches by so and so authors present this view point and these present the vice versa'. Even confused than before, I asked David, 'well then wont this be just a mix of what the authors are saying and not what i have to say?' He said to me with his ever so sweet smile and twittering eyes 'are you experienced and well versed enough to publish your own work at this point of time?'

This answer so intrigued my mind... All those years of education just seemed to have washed away. How can i have my ideas when i havent done any piece of research myself at all? how can i write on an issue when i have no facts at all? and how can i take credit from someone and publish it like my own piece of work when it is their hard work and by all means the deserve to be accredited for that!!!

This is such a simple enough thing but it has such a deep meaning. Giving someone the credit for their piece of work. We as a nation have long forgotten this thing. It starts when we are little and we start to steal from other's pieces of work and copy it as our own. And then later slowly and gradually we just stop giving people the credit and appreciation for what they have done and achieved and want everything for ourself. It is a simple enough thing which is taught in the education system here 'Give people credit for their piece of work' and what a deep meaning it has!

My first blog

Hi,

Welcome to my Blog. I am Nousheen Zakaria. I have completed my BBA (textiles marketing and management) from the 'Textiles institute of Pakistan' and my Msc Management (HRM) from the University of Sheffield. I currently live in Sheffield.

I always wanted to write blogs. But i was not sure when and where to start from. I guess this is it. Today the 5th of Jan. I woke up with a sore throat and fever. As i looked outside the window i saw, the grass gone all white with snow flakes. It just bought a smile on my face. I have always loved snow but also i was disappointed that it was overnight and that i was not able to go out in the snow and feel it on me.

Omar (my husband) made some hot chocolate for me and while i was sipping it, he told me that he had read a blog of my friend's kazim and really liked it. This is where i thought today is the day i need to sit down and start blogging. I read his blogs. He had written about various topics. One that inspired me was about my fellow class mate and he had gone to study abroad. It touched me because it was similar to what i have gone through. I wrote a comment on it and thought why not start my own blog!

For your interest, i am pasting here the link of the blog:

http://redkazim.wordpress.com/2008/12/23/raju-ban-gaya-gentleman/

I would really appreciate if you would leave your worthy comments and suggestions for me.

I would like to thank you all for reading my blogs and posting your comments.

Many Thanks
Nousheen Zakaria.